1. It’s More Important to Be Happy Than to Be Rich - Your Money: The Missing Manual [Book]
Your relationship with that special someone plays a large role in your life. write/ post the ad, and contact/screen responses, this process takes time, energy, and If you have more money than time: Try offline dating services — the personal. So, if you're single-mindedly determined to eliminate all wastefulness in your life —whether that relates to your time, energy, or finances—you'll. If you use your resources (money, time, energy, etc.) Virtually every relationship in your life moves in a better direction if you apologize for a.
The two best ways to ensure a solution never arises in an argument is to either withdraw into a sulking pity party or escalate it into an opportunity for a dramatic door-slamming exit. Feel free to go off on tangents and dredge up past issues that have nothing to do with the matter at hand.
A kitchen-sink approach to arguing is the perfect way to bury your spouse in belligerence. Remember these quick tips: Never allow your spouse to finish a sentence. Cross-talk is kryptonite to real listening. Use sex as a reason to punish or avoid your spouse Sexual desire is one of the most powerful human urges that drive behavior. If you can manage to make your sex life truly awful, nature will do the rest in magnifying your marital misery exponentially.
The easiest way to go from flirtation to friction is to screw up the sexual timing between you and your spouse: Always initiate sex at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong frequency, or in the wrong way. Any beginner can easily include one of these wrongs when approaching a spouse for sex, but misery masters use them all over the course of a relationship, creating lots of sexual frustration.
Always want sex when your spouse is not interested or occupied with something else: Insist on having it on the living room floor thirty minutes before the kids are supposed to get home from school, or suggest sexual positions where you both can watch TV at the same time. The bonus to screwing up the location, timing, and frequency of sex is that it adds a lot of rushed tension and stress to the moment, completely obliterating any possibility of intimacy occurring during your doomed interaction.
To kill intimacy easily, always keep your attention on anything but each other during sex…if you actually get that far. Other great ways to create a miserable marriage and sex life: Arouse your partner and then inexplicably lose interest in the heat of the moment—or never tell your partner what actions work for you sexually, then blame them for not being able to please you.
Of course, this should only happen after years of faking orgasms, so sufficient frustration has built up between the two of you. Never miss an opportunity to use sex as a weapon and withhold it from your partner. Begin going to bed at a different time than your partner. Way to go, misery maker! Have a different financial philosophy than your partner Research shows that generally speaking, we tend to be drawn to potential partners that are similar to us except when it comes to money.
Be creative and find ways to hide purchases from your partner. The impact will be much bigger when they get the credit card bill and it hits them all at once.
Your Money: The Missing Manual by J.D. Roth
Of course, though, hoarding your money and using none of it to actually enjoy your marriage goes a long way toward moving your relationship into the gray zone. Your children will be predisposed to choosing miserable marriage partners for themselves after subconsciously marinating in your resentment and bickering, day in and day out for the first two decades of their lives.
Even when you talk to each other, it should always be about the children. My spouse and I no longer serve any purpose outside our parental roles. Have an affair When the kids are finally off creating their own relationship dramas in middle and high school, and there are no more diapers and croup to stress over, consider replacing the lost misery with an affair.
HerMoney from Jean Chatzky
The more intimate the relationship they have with this person, the better. Did someone say Best Friend? You could also go for a stranger, but be sure to choose someone who looks very similar to your partner, only twenty years younger. Become overly flirty with co-workers of the opposite sex.
Just be sure your partner witnesses these interactions. A sudden change in hairstyle, dress, makeup or cologne goes a long way toward creating rampant insecurity and panic in your spouse, too. Abandon your spouse through technology Adding quiet desperation and alienation to your marriage has never been easier in the Information Age. Now you can completely abandon your spouse without having to leave the comfort of your own home: Over-use of cell phones, computers, iPads, texting, email, Instagram, social networks, and so on.
Why clue into your real life marriage when you can check out into virtual reality? Over time, electronic distancing does wonders to deteriorate relationships of all kinds, but especially marriages. Oxford University researchers found that increasing communication between spouses using technology led to decreasing marital satisfaction 5. A text is the Post-it note of 21st-century communication, and should be used frequently to treat your partner as an afterthought.
Decide what Enough means to you, and then write it down. Practice conscious spending Because the notion of Enough is so vague, the best way to approach it is to be mindful of your financial habits. The act of consciously choosing how you spend can help you make purchases that are in line with your goals and values.
The idea is to spend with intent, deliberately deciding where to direct your money instead of spending impulsively. Did I receive value from this equal to the amount I spent? Conscious spending is about striving to get the most bang for your buck. Is this spending aligned with my goals and values? Conscious spending means prioritizing: But if your extra-hot nonfat caramel latte is the highlight of your day, then buy the latte!
Spend only on the things that matter to you. The box below tells the story of Chris Guillebeau, who has made a lot of unorthodox choices to be sure his spending matches his priorities.
Your Money And Your Life: One of his ambitions is to visit every country in the world by his 35th birthday. Travel is expensive, so in order to meet his goal, Guillebeau has made it his top priority. But I spend thousands of dollars to fly all over the world. To read more about his unconventional life, check out his blog at www. Reduce clutter If you have so much Stuff that you need to rent a storage shed, you have more than Enough.
Purging clutter can be a profound experience, but it can be difficult, too: Getting rid of Stuff only hurts for a little bit. Some people find the process so liberating that they go farther and practice voluntary simplicity, even to the point of moving into a smaller home. For example, Dave Bruno is chronicling his fight against materialism at his website http: The Missing Manual suggests lots of great ways to de- clutter your life. Seek balance A balanced life is a fulfilling life.
You can surround yourself with family and friends, and rediscover the importance of social capital—the value you get from making personal connections with people in your community see Social Capital. And because you no longer feel compelled to buy more Stuff, you can use your money to save for things that truly matter. Based on their survey, they came up with a three-part model: About half of your happiness is biological.
Ten Ways to Ruin A Relationship
These include biological traits like age, race, nationality, and gender, as well as things like marital status, occupational status, job security, and income. Whereas circumstances happen to you, intentional activity happens when you act by doing things like exercising, pursuing meaningful goals, or keeping a gratitude journal.
You can read the entire article at http: Because of this, many Americans spend their lives striving for more money and possessions—but find that this materialism makes them less happy. These problems all stem from one issue: By taking charge of your finances, you can get rid of many of these stressors and be happier.
Wealth gives you options and makes it easier to focus on things that can make you content. This book will teach you specific ways to gain control of your finances. The first step to leading a rich life is learning how to set priorities. Happiness by the Numbers In their book Happiness, Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener talk about the happiness formula, their attempt to quantify all this psychological stuff about money and well-being.
They found that a larger income generally makes people happier—but not always. You might say that happiness is equal to what you have divided by what you want.
On paper, that sounds like a lot of money, but if you yearn for expensive luxuries and experiences, you may actually feel poor. This is why frugality is so important.
For another attempt to quantify well-being, take a look at this happiness formula from Dilbert creator Scott Adams: Living a Rich Life Living richly means figuring out what to spend your time, money, and energy on—and what to ignore. Psychologists generally agree that a life well-lived is rich in: By living below your means and avoiding debt, you can gain some financial control over your life.
True wealth comes from relationships, not from dollars and cents.
Wealthy or poor, people with five or more close friends are more apt to describe themselves as happy than those with fewer. A long-term, loving partnership goes hand in hand with this. As explained in the Note on How Money Affects Happinessmemories tend to grow more positive with time, but Stuff usually drops in value—both actual value and perceived value.
To further improve your relationship with money, keep these guidelines in mind: Spend on the things that make you happiest. For another way to prioritize, see the box on Living a Rich Life. Eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep Your Body: The Missing Manual has loads of tips on how to do all those things. Financially, psychologically, and socially, keeping up with the Joneses is a trap. Focus on your own life and goals. Studies have found that watching lots of TV can influence your levels of materialism—how much you think you need to be happy.
The average Joe believes that materialism is the path to happiness—but the average Joe is wrong. Research shows that materialism actually leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
Altruism is one of the best ways to boost your happiness. It may seem counter-intuitive and maybe even a little self-servingbut donating to your church or favorite charity is a proven method for brightening your day. Because it can be difficult to make the time for these activities, he argues that we should make rituals out of them.
If you enjoy biking, make a ritual out of riding to the park every evening, for example. See the box below for tips on finding time for what you love. But for a goal to be worthwhile, it has to be related to your values and interests—it has to add something to your life.
Fun Things First You lead a busy life. There never seems to be enough time to do the things you really want, like doing yoga, running, or having a weekly night out with your sweetie. With so much already on your plate, how can you fit it all in? The secret, he says, is prioritizing: Imagine you have an empty jar, a collection of a few large rocks, and several handfuls of gravel.
Your task is to put all the large and small rocks into the jar. Let too many little things take priority, and there never seems to be time for the big things.
Consider the Big Rocks to be really important things you want to accomplish in life, the things that define you. Get the big things in first, work on the right projects and priorities, and let the little stuff fit in around the edges. Then fit those other things in where you can. So if running makes you happy, schedule your runs—and then fit the rest of your life around them.
The key to money management—and happiness—is being satisfied. But most people confuse the means with the ends. They chase after money and Stuff in an attempt to feel fulfilled, but their choices are impulsive and random.